Wednesday, February 16, 2011

You lying b*tch! That was NOT your last piece of gum!

And other things we lie about.

Today, my favorite scandalous friend told me, in detail, about her latest exploits. We've been friends for a long time, and she's lost the ability to surprise me. From a covert 3 year long relationship with an employer to to seduction of a man (boy?) half her age, nothing shocks me. This friend, let's call her Ava, has also given me some faulty advice throughout the years, but that's for a whole 'nother post. Today, I want to focus on something Ava said a long time ago, and has probably forgotten.

A:Well, I think I like him, but I don't know.
S: But what?
A: But nothing. everything you say before the word but is a lie.
That got me thinking. Since then, I've continuously conducted my own research into her "but" theory, and I've come to develop a list of things we lie about.

5. I'm going out of town, but I would (guilty!)
4. I'm already working 4 days this week and I can't take any more shifts, but otherwise I would
3. I left my wallet at home, but otherwise I totally would(so guilty!!)
2. I'm a virgin, but maybe next time?
1. Sorry, that was  my last piece of gum! But otherwise I would!

So, people, I have you allllllllllllllllllll figured out. I know what's really going on. And you aint foolin' no one with that "born again virgin" story.

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